so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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