The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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