Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
