even my farts smell like vagina
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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