I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
