you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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