my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
