He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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