Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
