i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
