Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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