you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
