so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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