I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
