We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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