he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
