i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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