I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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