I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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