My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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