This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
