haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
