His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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