She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
