By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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