she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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