that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
