pop tarts are not kleenex
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
