i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
