why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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