you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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