Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
