I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
