it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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