the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
