kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Randomize
