i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
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you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
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