Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
