I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize