Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
