I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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