Nicole vs. Life
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Actions speak louder than pants.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
