Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just want to make out with him forever
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
