That's when you crack a 10am beer
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
