ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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