I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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