sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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