She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
