It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
