Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
bring money and cleavage
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
