Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
