i would punch a child for taco bell
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize