I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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