you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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