i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
