My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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