haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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