Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
