Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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