I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
