I think im going to throw up on grandma
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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