hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
